Breakups can often feel like the end of the world. Heartbreak can leave us feeling helpless, as if we’re walking around with a giant wound in our hearts that nobody else can see or feel. It isn’t just mental pain, but physical and emotional- it’s a lot for anyone to deal with all at once.
The good news? Everyone who’s ever been in love has overcome heartbreak, and if that many people can survive and still live and love again, you can too. There is no one way to get over a breakup, but there are a few golden rules which are sure to help you survive your heartbreak.
Be compassionate with yourself.
It’s easy to be hard on ourselves during the healing process of heartbreak. We may tell ourselves that we’re lazy for not wanting to get out of bed. Or ugly when we’re not feeling motivated to get dressed or fix our hair. Maybe even stupid for even allowing someone else to make us feel so down. Being compassionate with ourselves means telling ourselves that it’s okay to feel the way we do. It’s okay for us to be a bit of a wreck, as long as we’re on track to one day feeling like ourselves again.
Imagine it’s your best friend in your position. Treat yourself as you would treat them. Be kind and compassionate towards your pain and understanding as you heal. When it’s someone else that we care about who’s going through a tough time, it’s easy to identify when we need to be nurturing and when to be a little tougher with our love. However, it’s not as easy to do with ourselves. Let yourself cry. Allow yourself to lay around in your comfy clothes, watching Netflix for hours and eating whatever you want. You’re allowed to be in pain.
Don’t rush yourself to heal.
Healing is a long process that’s different for everyone. Truth is, there’s no blueprint or one size fits all plan for how to deal with heartbreak. We all cope differently, and allowing yourself all the time you need to heal is greatly important- whether it takes five days or five months. You’ll know when the times right for you to jump back into the dating scene, or even go and and have a good time just for you.
Don’t rush to burn every belonging of theirs that’s still laying around your room if you’re not ready for that. You don’t have to delete every picture you have of them or the two of you together if you aren’t ready. Try moving them to a separate folder on your phone if you don’t want to see them everyday but aren’t quite ready to let go yet. And please, please don’t rebound with the next person who looks in your direction.
Allow others to hold you up if you’re struggling to do it all on your own.
Falling apart, even a little, when coping with heartbreak is inevitable. This can come in the form of neglecting things we used to enjoy, staying in bed a little longer each day or even skipping meals. It’s quite hard to physically take care of yourself during this time, particularly when you’re so focused on keeping yourself together mentally. Asking your friends or family to make sure you’re eating, showering and not over/under sleeping is beneficial. It’ll ensure that you’re staying physically healthy and still functioning, and will remind you of all the people around you who care enough to look out for you.
Forgive yourself & accept what happened in order to move on.
Perhaps the hardest step out of all the ones listed. Forgiveness and accepting what happened to us is not only painful but extremely hard. Breakups can often leave us with unanswered questions and a deep feeling of confusion. Dwelling on where you went wrong and what you could’ve done differently will only drive you crazy. The relationship could’ve ended prematurely, it could’ve even been a one-sided decision- but you must accept that it’s over. Accept that you may never get the answers you want, or even an answer altogether. But know that there will come a day where you no longer care for those answers.
Stay optimistic & love yourself.
If this isn’t your first breakup, you’ll know that there was probably a time before this one where you felt exactly the same as you do now. There was a time where you thought you wouldn’t fall in love again. A moment where you questioned if you’d even find happiness again… and you did. This isn’t the end, and trust me I know it feels like it is.
Utilise this time to rebuild the relationship with yourself. Focus on self care and love yourself harder than ever before. Love yourself so much that it doesn’t matter who else loves you, because you’re already fulfilled. Love yourself enough to know that you’re a great person full of positive energy, and anyone would be lucky to know you. The right person for you is out there, and you’re one step closer to finding them. But most importantly, your immense love for yourself means you aren’t despondent whilst you wait.